Living Beyond Your Feelings

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. — 2 Corinthians 12:10

Emotion, one of the most powerful driving forces of human beings. When situations get overwhelming, our emotions tend to explode. It triggers when we’re extremely happy, when we’re extremely angry, and when we’re extremely feeling lonely. Emotions can be triggered by people, experiences, and worries. For me, people trigger my emotions the most. There might still be insecurities in my heart that when people say bad things about me, I get shaken. I hate it when people say negative things about me especially lies wether straight at me or at my back. I get easily carried away.

I was a sales executive for a manufacturing company for 2 years. The work was fine, I actually started loving it. The real challenge I faced was with the people in the same department I was in. I tried to get along with them but their trying to change my lifestyle and my views in life.

There came to a point where they mocked me and laughed at me as they got more familiar with me. They excluded me even though they would invite me to hangouts that go almost twice or more every month and goes up from after working hours to 4:00 in the morning. They would intimidate me always whenever I get bonus incentives and even talent fees from my gigs. They wanted me to spend my money for them. Although I would contribute money on hangouts to the amount I could contribute, they wouldn’t appreciate it. They wanted all of my incentives. As much as I wanted to treat them, I was trying to save money and besides, it was so difficult for me to spend for people like them who have disrespected me in every way.

For 2 years, that’s what they did to me. It was so difficult for me to wake up every Monday morning and go to work because I didn’t want to see their faces. My manager never asked me why. They would even mock me, “You seldom show yourself in the office.”  I wish he could have given me a memo (which he never had because he says he’s not strict) so that I could have told him boldly and with all honesty. I never wanted to answer back and fight for myself. I was holding back myself with my 150%. Those were the worst days of my life.

I decided to file a resignation, I couldn’t tell them the real reason why I filed a resignation because I don’t think it would help. It’s their culture for many years already and I don’t have the power to change that. It’s like in my last day of work there, and I tried to list all the tasks I should turn over to my supervisor and other colleagues. I then knew that the last incentive I could have received was taken by my supervisor. He never informed me that he had my incentive until I asked him. He seemed like he never wanted to give it back because he kept on saying he already spent it with others for food and gave the half to another colleague. I could have given it to him if he just told me. I felt disrespected once more because it seemed like I don’t have the right for my own money.

And then another co-worker there kept on intimidating me even though he already knew I was about to go. I didn’t want to answer back until he went back at me 3 times. I couldn’t handle my emotions on the 3rd intimidation and it exploded in me. I answered him back. I was so angry that I’ve told almost everybody else in the office what he did (they did) to me over the past 2 years.

I totally forgot about 2 Corinthians 12:10, that I should be content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, because it is where I am strong for the sake of Christ. I know I could never go back in time and change my response, but that was definitely one of the best lessons I learned from the worst situations. God loves people like them as well so I should too and I know my response that time wasn’t showing love. But I have already forgiven them in my heart of all the things that happened in the past 2 years of my work there. I’ll be much more prepared in prayer for the next challenges to come. I should live beyond my feelings and choose to be happy and be thankful even in those times of trials.

Reference: The Power Of Being Thankful

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One thought on “Living Beyond Your Feelings

  1. Pingback: Recovering From Pain | It's Quiet Time

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